There are many events in our lives that become starting points or landmarks. The first is BIRTH. We mark the years by our Birthday.
The birth of your FIRST CHILD----then each child that comes into your life.
It may be LOSS OF LOVED ONES.
Today I am celebrating a new landmark in my life. It has now become a new beginning. It is one year ago that I NEARLY LOST MY LIFE.. It has been a hard, emotional, frustrating, joyful, year. On March 3, 2017, I made a trip to Grand Junction Colorado to pick up a tank of helium for Prom. Hannah was on the Prom committee and I was trying to help out. She was in charge of making a entry way filled with balloons. I thought after I picked up the tank I would do a little bit of shopping. I was filling so drained and tired that I had no desire to shop at all so I decided to head home. I was really tired and not feeling just right. A few days earlier I was feeling the same way and when ever I picked something up, I would drop it. I didn't have the strength to hold on to it. I remember pulling in to the drive way at home and thinking my age is catching up with me. I didn't know how I was going to be able to keep up with the yard work this coming summer because I didn't have the energy lately to even keep my house clean. I took the helium tank to the high school and spent the night helping decorate the entry way. After we finished the entry we went to Trish's house to make the sashes for the homecoming royalty. I wasn't feeling very good and my feet were swelling up quite a bit. My body was also but I just thought I was gaining a lot of weight lately. The next morning I did not want to wake up or get out of bed. I was so drained of all my energy and physically didn't feel like I could manage the day. I got up and watched Hannah get off to her date for the day. When she said goodbye, a strong feeling came that I may never see her again and I wished that our goodbye had been a little nicer. Keosha was home to help Hannah do her make up for Prom and she wanted a Navajo burger for lunch. So we left to go pick up the boutonniere and try to find someone selling Navajo burgers. When we picked up the boutonniere they had put a rose in it and Hannah just wanted stephanotis so they had to redo it. So Keosha and I headed down toward the park to see if anyone was selling lunch yet. on the way there I started feeling really funny with a lot of discomfort in my back and chest. Mallory lives by the park so I stopped at Mallory's house. When we walked in I asked her if she had some baby aspirin because I thought I was having a heart attack. She said she didn't. The pain was very uncomfortable in my back and chest. It started moving up my neck and went down the back of both of my arms. I said, "I think I am having a heart attack , I need to go home." Half way home it all became so uncomfortable. I was driving and I told Keosha that I didn't feel very well. I was either going to pass out or throw up. I think it was at this point that the section of my heart quit beating.
I made it home. Lyle was out in the driveway cleaning cars. I told him that something was wrong and I thought I needed to go to the emergency room. I told him I would take a shower first and lay down for a while. I was getting a rash and thought maybe I had eaten something I was allergic to. I had a drink of water and could hardly get it down. It felt like a big lump in my throat. After a quick shower I laid down but that only lasted a few seconds because I was too uncomfortable. So I told Lyle I thought we better go to the emergency room.
When I arrived they asked my what I was there for. When I said, "chest pains", they immediately took me back and started doing things. They gave me some medicine that stopped the discomfort so I thought I was okay and would be going home soon. When the blood test came back it showed that there had been activity with my heart. They said I would have to be flown out. I asked if I could wait till after Prom and they told me I couldn't. They sent me to Farmington, NM which was the shortest distance to a hospital. They didn't feel I had time to wait for the transportation to the other hospitals.
Jens and Kellen were there and helped Lyle give me a beautiful blessing, that helped bring me a lot of comfort. The doctor told me that as soon as I arrived at the hospital things would move fast and that they would immediately start procedures for a catheterization. I was fearful of what was going to take place. I didn't know if I was going to have stents, heart surgery or what. I knew I would be alone because it would take Lyle three hours to get there. He gave me a blessing that I would have peace through all the procedures and be taken care of.
I was loaded into the helicopter and was soon in flight. The last and only time I rode in a helicopter was with dad over the mountain by Scofield. It made me so sick that I never wanted to ride in one again. I replayed that ride in my mind several times during the flight. The flight would only last for 30 minutes. About 10 minutes into the flight I was looking out the window and the nurse noticed tears rolling down my cheeks and asked if I was alright. I said that I was. I had a great amount of peace come over me , a feeling I have never had before in my life. I felt released from all the burdens of-the earth life, the sadness, the burden of the body and it's physical ailments, release from temporal burdens, financial, guilt, anger, anything that felt troublesome to me. I felt that if I died that my family would be okay. They were all good people and they were trying hard to keep doing what was right. It was funny that I was sad that I might not see them again but I had such great peace that they would be okay that I did not feel great sorrow over it. The attendant pointed out a specific land mark below us. As I looked at the barren desert land I had come to my mind by the spirit, how beautiful the Earth is. How every little thing was created for us to help us on our journey on Earth. I found it so beautiful and felt a deep gratitude for all of Gods creations, down to the red dirt of the earth below me. I felt so grateful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the earth and a part of all things that were made by the hand of God for us. My gratitude led me to be able to view all my family members, my grandchildren, children, husband, parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews and how good they all were. I felt so much gratitude for all of them and the influence and part they have played in my life. They were all so important and we were all so connected. I then viewed all people I have been surrounded by through my life, those in my community, friends, and relatives. I knew I had the opportunity to be surrounded by good people all through my life and I was so grateful for them and felt such a love for them. I also learned that although I didn't do my best all through my life, that I had done my best in certain circumstances even when I reacted poorly. The key to this peace was that I continued to learn from those choices and made better choices the next time. Although I had made many mistakes in my life, I listened to the spirit and tried to make better choices the next time. Those unpleasant times helped me to grow.
I also feel that Shaniel may have been there. I knew it was here birthday and she was one of the main people on my mind. I felt from the spirit that although her passing was violent that it was also peaceful. I felt that she is having the same peace that I was feeling.
I learned so much about myself and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Also about my relationship to others , not only people,
but to the Earth that was created for us. The peace I felt is indescribable.
When I got to the hospital things moved very fast. They started the cathetereization and that was all I remembered till they woke me up in the middle of it. They showed me my heart, The upper half was beating normal and the lower half was barely beating. They called it Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, or Broken Heart Syndrome. As a result of an adrenaline rush the lower portion of my heart had quit beating. Instead of the adrenaline rushing through my body it went straight to my heart, causing the lower portion to quit beating. I count it a miracle that I had to have no surgeries and all it would take was a year of medicine combined with diet and exercise and my heart would fully recover.
It was slow at first to recover but my health and energy increased over time. I am grateful that my body was able to heal with out serious intervention. I am grateful for the things I learned from this experience. It has surprised me with the feelings I have. I thought I would be incredibly grateful for my life and to be back enjoying those things that have always brought joy to me. I am grateful for those things but is has also been hard. Because of the incredible peace and release from all earthly burdens I felt those things have become more burdensome to me. I now have a hard time with any kind of contention. I feel I have no time for it and avoid it as best I can. During those times I wish for the release of those earthly burdens and see death in such a different way. I am no longer fearful of it and sometimes desire it. (sorry, just being honest with the perspective I have now.) I love my family and want to be here with them during all the good and bad. For some reason I feel somewhat of a disconnect to others. It is a feeling that really frustrates me. Things I really loved and brought me a great amount of joy no longer do bring me the same joy. I loved to decorate and arrange things at the store, I no longer find the same joy or accomplishment in it. It actually frustrates me now because I find those pretty things of no value. It doesn't matter the quality, price or whatever, it is just stuff. Stuff that is meaningless for the most part. After a year I am still trying to figure my new perspective out. I find joy and gratitude in many things, mainly my family.
This song by Joey and Rory Feek has become my theme song. It runs through my mind all the time.
In the time that you gave me
did I give all I could give?
Did I love all I could love?
Did I live all I could live?
Was my faith in your grace strong
enough to save me?
Did I do all I could do in the time that you gave me?
In the time that you gave me
did I face the devil down?
Did I make him turn away every time I
stood my ground?
If today is the day you should decide to take me
Did I do all I could do in the time that you gave me?
Oh and I'll never know 'til it's over
But I wanna fly on your shoulders
Might have strayed from the path
I might have gone a little crazy
I Like to think I did you proud in the time that you gave me.
And as the hour glass empties, no it won't phase me
If I did all I could do in the time that you gave me.
So I am still trying to figure out what it is I am to do now with my new perspective. So today I am celebrating one more year of being on this earth and enjoying my family. Not sure what to call this celebration.
3 comments:
Leslie, your experience was touching and truthful! Full of emotion, remembrances, and learning. Some experiences change you and they change you forever! I call it born again! That happened to me with dad's passing and has continued with mom's, Shaniel's, and Steven's passing. I'm a different person. And do are you! Van you remember the scripture you told me about a few years ago? I think it's in Alma when he was saying that he pleaded for forgiveness, and as he did so received that peace. He was born again! He had no more disposition to do evil. That is how I felt... and continue to do so. Even in my weakness and mistakes, that yearning and desire has always remained. I have come to know the Lord, just as you have. My joy has shifted from "things" to family and God's mercy and handiwork in the universe. Just as your has. The atonement of Jesus Christ is so personal in my life. The live I feel for my Savior is unexpressable. My joy is so full with the things that matter most. You will continue to receive inspiration and your own personal revelations as you ponder and pray about all those feelings and thoughts, and even visuals of the experience you had. I know that I continue to. Isn't it wonderful to be born again!
Leslie,; what beautiful experience. I have felt that the problem with your heart was more serious than you let us know. I am so thankful you are still here with us. I love you so much. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for sharing, Leslie. Glad you are OK. I know our Heavenly Father loves the earth and his creations. They were created to lift our spirits and gladden our hearts. Like you do too!
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